I am meditating on ideas relating to narcissism as it manifests as a personality trait within and independent of personality disorders. I don't think it's necessarily a developmental issue, but I think it may have a developmental answer.
If one were to construct a narcissism spectrum, level one could have an individual who has never developed a theory of mind whereas the other pole would present as someone society might describe as truly enlightened.
This scale as it has been constructed (in my head) mirrors Robert Kegan's stages of development well. Kegan's stages correlate to definitive developmental plateaus, and the chart below addresses what would be levels three to five. Two, which is not represented, would look like the worldview of a child. Everything and everyone is about the self. Antisocial personality disorder or sociopathy paints a great portrait of someone who's development has arrested at this level. While it is important to note that sociopaths will never progress past stage two, by no means are all people at stage two sociopaths. Many of them simply have not been engaged by the curricula of life in a way that would foster further development, and may spend the rest of their lives at this level. But I digress.
If someone in stage three (socialized mind) takes everything personally,for example, one way to interpenetrate this reaction is to chalk it up to narcissism, to frame their reaction as being
all about them. This throw-away categorization describes a quality without addressing correlation or causation. At leased trying to fit someone into a personality disorder would be suggesting a correlate, if not a cause (depending on your school/philosophy).
Trait theory has the same shortcomings. Simply saying that narcissism exists because it is the quality of a person is not particularly helpful.
The psychodynamicists I consider to be dogmatic cultists who practices more religion than science. I dismiss them out of hand.
Another way to frame the same reaction is to examine the possibility that their current level of development does not allow for significant integration or acknowledgment of the inner-lifes of others in their construction of reality.
Thus a more productive way of observing the same behavior may be to recognize the idea that this is a behavior or frame would be imposable for a self-authoring stage four person. We now have a category that implies a therapeutic goal.
Get the person from stage three to stage four, and we will have solved this "narcissism" by reaching a developmental stage that definitively excludes it.
At stage four one can be frustrated with a situation, but would never take things personally as they would see the actions of others as being the natural result of other's inner-lifes interacting with the world. It would not occur to the level four (or five) individual to take what are essentially the limitations of another personally. Although a level four may be able to recognize insulting or obnoxious behavior, they could not, themselves, be insulted without substantial regression. Such regression is arguably imposable once such development has occurred.
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